Thy word is a lamp unto my feet... (Psalm 119:105)
Recently, It is these words from scripture that have stood out to me when thinking about this journey we have been on and praying about where we go from here. I was listening to a podcast this week from Blessed is She and something she said struck my heart...
"If we are using a lamp at our feet, we can only see one step ahead"
What? Only one step?
Wait...what??? Mind. Blown.
She is 100% correct.
All these years - from when I first learned that song as a little girl until this very Tuesday - I always thought of "the lamp" as lighting the whole path, seeing everything clearly, God revealing his whole plan for us. One light to illuminate all the questions, make every decision easy, every path well defined - and yet - I struggled because I feel like it is never that clear to me. Why didn't I seem to get straight answers??
But with "the lamp at my feet" - I can literally only see one step in front of me.
One Step. One little step at a time. What a relief!
We often cannot see the whole plan, and can only pray and follow the next right step.
Quickly looking back at our journey to this mission, I can see the lamp of God guiding and showing us His plan, one step at a time. There were moments as we were trying to have a family that I was overwhelmingly sad and distrustful, angry and envious. I could not see even see the light at all and did trust how it would happen. In my pain, God used this time for His good - growing my faith, refining my marriage, and planting seeds that still have so much sowing to be done to them - but they were started.
Looking back - at both the prayers I had at the time and the both joyous and deeply painful answers that I received - I can see that our lives were and are still being woven together both in love and tragedy. Adoption is not without pain and loss. My biggest joy is another women's greatest loss and that is not lost on me and I don't have the answers for that. I can't fix it but I am praying that by taking one step at a time, lighted by a mighty lamp, that we can make a small difference in the world. We do this to continue to honor her and help to show solidarity with those is this world suffering from crushing poverty. This woven family has great purpose.
He has so much more in store for us than our human brains can even fathom and He does use ALL things for His good - both the joyous and the tragic (but don't think I won't have some questions when I get up there)! I dreamed of a big family and boy did I get one - and it spans international borders, but not the borders of my h(e)art which are always growing.
So if you ask me - "do you have 1 child" - I will answer "Yes, one child, or 3 or 25 or a whole school of 125 - it depends on how you look at it"!
